That Burning Sensation

HOT VIDEO - Orson Welles' "The Bat-Man"

2011-02-04T16:33:00.005-05:00

Batman Begins and The Dark Knight helmer Christopher Nolan is a great director. I think it's a travesty that he didn't get an Academy Award nomination for Inception, which was arguably the most original and complicated film of 2010.

However, as good as Nolan is, a YouTube poster called Sirrus79 decided to imagine what a Batman film would be like if it was made in the 1940s by the greatest film director of all time, Orson Welles.

Sirrus79 cleverly edited together footage from Welles' films, such as Citizen Kane, as well as other films from the 1940s. In the trailer for this imaginary film, Orson himself plays the Dark Knight. The casting of the movies' Original Gangster Edward G. Robinson as The Penguin, and Citizen Kane costar Joseph Cotton as Commissioner Gordon is wonderful. Using screen sex siren Marlene Dietrich as Catwoman is nothing short of brilliant!

Unfortunately, the editor this fun bit of movie "What If...?" was saddled with using footage of the crappy-ass Batman costume from the 1940s serials. But, otherwise, it's very well done.

Take a look at the mock-trailer for a great movie that never was. It's in two parts below...

[via ComicsAlliance.com]

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - Spider-Man's Behind...The Scenes

2011-01-31T11:26:00.007-05:00

CHUD.com has posted some new photos from the set of the new Spider-Man, making this the first time since the announcement that I've been excited for the reboot.

POW! BANG! SPLAT!

Check out the rest of the photos over at CHUD.com

Tucker's Piano Recital

2011-01-29T01:22:00.003-05:00

He can really wail on the piano.

(via JMG)

Ryan's Favorite Things: HEADS BLOW UP!

2011-01-28T16:39:00.003-05:00

Oprah can have favorite things. Why can't I?

Special thanks to Angry Video Game Nerd for putting this video together!

(preview img)

BREAKING: Nobody Really Cares About Kendra Wilkinson

2011-01-28T11:57:00.012-05:00

Former Playboy "Girl Next Door" Kendra Wilkinson's 15 minutes are over? I'm as surprised as you are about this shocking revelation! You'd never know it by the constant cover attention she gets from US Weekly, Life & Style, OK, and all the other gossip rags at the checkout line. But I found real proof on Huffington Post today that nobody gives a damn about Hef's former resuscitator anymore.

One of these things is not like the other

Do you see it? Here's a closer look.

I really was surprised. Even with a headline like "LESBIAN SEX TAPE", her story's only received 65 "Likes" on Facebook since it was posted a little over 24 hours ago. Compared to the THOUSANDS of people who liked the other stories on that list. It's even being promoted as one of their Most Popular and still, only 65 people cared. 12 more since midnight.

It's been kind of depressing to see what's passing for a celebrity these past few years. Fake reality television show cast members, socialite sex tape leakers, teen mothers, wives of rich nobodies, and pregnant daughters of half term governesses are not stars. They are NON-CELEBRITIES. Take note, gossip mongers. This one's over.

Oh, Rapture!

2011-01-26T23:48:00.007-05:00

This made me chuckle. (Click image to enlarge)

My favorite part of this painting is that no one who's actually living is being saved. They're stuck standing there at the bus stop screaming, "WHAT THE FUCK?!". Meanwhile any pilgrims and Laura Ingalls Wilders who've been hanging around are movin' on up. Even Tonto and Crazy Horse (upper right), Mary Poppins (upper left) and The Burger King (he's in there) are supermaning it on over to the big light show. Up, up, and Yahweh!

(image via)

HOT HEADLINE - At Least Wait Until The Second Date...

2011-01-14T19:19:00.008-05:00

I know that it's juvenile to giggle at this headline, but I can't help it!

I mean... come on! The article actually describes Uranus as having "the most powerful wind observed in the solar system"!

Also amusing is the news outlet where this headline appears...

Safety First!

2011-01-14T16:52:00.009-05:00

If we're lucky, we'll all be making this noise once or twice this weekend.

Happy Friday!!

Via our friend, Chris!

Damn Those Evil Scientists.

2011-01-14T13:41:00.003-05:00

So, so evil.

(source)

It Puts The Lotion On The Skin

2011-01-14T13:03:00.003-05:00

You following us on Twitter yet?

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Rats Gone Wild!

2011-01-13T20:07:00.003-05:00

The rats here in New York do not f*ck around! You may have already seen the YouTube video of a rat running amok in a NYC subway car and scampering up a sleeping homeless guy's body to get up in his grill!

Now comes word that one of our hardcore rodents bit a prisoner... on the penis! The aptly first-named Peter Solomon is suing Nassau County for a February jail-cell incident in which a rat chomped on his choad! The lawsuit claims that Solomon suffered "emotional distress" and "complete sexual dysfunction."

I can believe it! If you've ever had an incompetently-executed B.J. from someone with an bad overbite, you'll know it can make you a tad nervous!

Still, this is not the weirdest story about penis-biting that we've brought you here that ThatBS...

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Fox Shoots Hunter

2011-01-13T19:36:00.004-05:00

In a move that makes Elmer Fudd look like Buffalo Bill, a hunter in Belarus got shot with his own gun by the fox that he was chasing. I mean, I guess of course it was his own rifle and not the fox's... although dingbat Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert of Texas would argue that having a peach-sized brain and no opposable thumbs shouldn't disqualify you from gun ownership.

The hapless hunter shot the fox from a distance and the came in close to finish off the wounded animal with the butt of his rifle. The fox said "Oh Hell no!" A scuffle ensued, and the vivacious vulpine pulled the trigger of the rifle with his little paw. I stand corrected: I guess maybe you don't need an opposable thumb to use a gun!

The cagey canine made good his escape while the hunter nursed a bloody leg wound. I image the fox running away shouting (in a French accent, for some reason), "Revanche! Revanche!!!"

HOT TOYS - Super Cock

2011-01-08T12:44:00.003-05:00

When I saw the name of this toy in the catalog, I was so excited to order it. But when it arrived, I was very disappointed.

[Thanks to Guy West]

HOT HOLIDAYS - Snowy Schlongs Shock Suburbanites!

2010-12-30T16:19:00.000-05:00

Residents of Lafayette, Indiana were stunned and horrified to see giant penises when they looked out of their windows. Hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids... there's a colossal cock out there!

The prudish suburbanites got a bee in their collective bonnets because a neighbor decided to show off his snow-sculpting skills by making Frosty the Snow-Dong and friends. In the WLFI-18 News clip below, the only 10-year-old boy in the world who doesn't find cartoonishly huge depictions of genitalia hilarious, talks about how "upset" he was to see the chilly choads.

More amusingly, a mother says that she thinks it's "disgusting" because she has a two-year-old. One wonders exactly how she got a two-year-old if she thinks penises are so disgusting.

The first cops called to the scene had a big guffaw at the icy art installation and then drove off. After further complaints by the neighbors, the cops realized that the sculptor could be arrested on misdemeanor charges if he didn't destroy his dongs.

Had Myself an Awkward Little Christmas

2010-12-24T14:06:00.006-05:00

I was horrified that my mother bought me a ball gag for Christmas...

Until she shook her head, pulled it out of my mouth, and put it on my nose.

Oops.

Hope your holidays are a little less awkward!

Seasons Beatings From The Boys of That BS!

2010-12-24T13:46:00.002-05:00

Here's a classic for you and yours.

It's our sad attempt at a holiday video card. As you can see it didn't go well. Here are the bloopers and outtakes to bring you comfort and joy.

Happy Holidays from Sam, Mike, and Ryan! Thank you for checking us out and keep your eyes peeled in 2011 for more fun from That Burning Sensation!

Hollywood Heat - Paul

2010-12-17T10:58:00.005-05:00

The guys from Shaun of the Dead just released the trailer for their new aliens from outer space comedy "Paul", and its HILARIOUS!

The trailer won't embed, so go check it out and then come back and tell us what you think.

Also starring Kristen Wiig, Jason Bateman, Sigourney Weaver, and Seth Rogan as the voice of "Paul".

Hot Ads - Goodness! What Bargains!

2010-12-16T11:14:00.004-05:00

Says the man at the door before he murders your family.

The only thing creepier than clowns are vintage clowns. Much like puppets.

When was this ever something anyone wanted at their children's birthday party?

(clown source)
(puppet source)

Marvel Dinosaurs?

2010-12-15T00:04:00.005-05:00

Toys, please. Want, please.

Wolveraptor, snikt-ing and squaking across the plains.

And Pteranostorm! With little bracelets and everything!

Go see the rest over at BleedingCool.com

Hollywood Heat - The Yogi Bear Movie Alternate Ending

2010-12-14T22:51:00.006-05:00

SPOILER ALERT!

Kidding! Kidding! And how dare you be concerned with Yogi Bear movie spoilers.

I love that this exists. If only it were the real ending.

A special thank you to our pal Max for showing us this beautiful bit of depravity.

HOT HOLIDAYS - You Don't Have To Turn on Your Red Light

2010-12-08T16:46:00.002-05:00

Usher in the holiday season with the cute YouTube video below. It's a mash-up of classic holiday tune "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer", and "Roxanne" by The Police. It's a clever reference to Sting singing to his song's character Roxanne that "you don't have to put on your red light."

For those of you who grew up in a convent, prostitutes used to hang red lights in their windows to indicate that they were open for business... so to speak. Obviously this mash-up is referring the Rudolph's shiny schnoz. I really don't think Rudolph needs to be warned against a life on the ho-ho-ho stroll, since he earns his fill in "Magic Corn" leading Santa's sleigh. Magic Corn, of course, is North Pole street slang for crystal meth.

However, the photo below shows that his flamingly gay friend Hermey the Elf, may need that warning not to earn a living on his back. I thought he wanted to be a dentist!
Anyway, here's the video...

HOT VIDEO - Mel Gibson's "The Beaver" Trailer Remix

2010-12-07T13:05:00.001-05:00

I thought it would be fun to remix the trailer for Mel Gibson's upcoming movie The Beaver with the audio from his obscene, misogynistic, racist, career-derailing telephone rants to his girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva.

Obviously, ThatBS make no claim to own the rights to the video clips from the film. This is a parody and we hope that the film company that owns the rights will have a sense of humor about this. Since they probably won't, watch this now before the studio has YouTube yank this!

I feel sort of bad for his talented costar Jodie Foster, who also directed this movie. She made a movie about a guy so mentally unstable that he has to speak through a beaver puppet to "create a psychological distance between himself and the negative aspects of his personality." Then, after they shot the film, her leading man was revealed-- on tape-- to be even more bat-shit looney than his character, pretty much guaranteeing that every review is going to mention Gibson's psychotically hateful outbursts.

If you're at work, you might want to turn the volume down a bit, due to Mel Gibson's potty-mouth!

(UPDATE: Apparently, a couple hours after I posted this video on YouTube, "Jimmy Kimmy Live" did pretty much the same bit. Mine was first!)

Nerdgasm of the Day

2010-12-06T12:56:00.003-05:00

Hot droid-on-droid love.

Strike A Pose...

2010-12-05T13:52:00.008-05:00

...OK, or that's nice too.

Its nice to see Chaz Bono is finally comfortable in his skin.

(source)

HOT ART - Optimus Prime Ice Sculpture

2010-11-30T17:02:00.003-05:00

It may be a bit on the nose, but the only word that comes to mind is "cool"! How else do you describe a 26-foot-tall ice sculpture of Transformers leading robot Optimus Prime?

This giant, frozen version of the Autobot commander was made by sculptors Atti and Michel de Kok.

(via io9)

HOT LUNCH - A Yule That's Cruel

2010-11-29T16:33:00.000-05:00

The French luxury dish foie gras is made with the liver of a duck or goose that has been force-fed through a funnel until they get ridiculously fatty. This process is not nearly as funny as the "Don't Forget the Gravy" Looney Tunes cartoon would lead one to believe!
Barf forever! Animal protection groups worldwide protest this grotesque process, and I agree with them. It's this kind of horrifically barbaric treatment of livestock that has kept me from eating meat and poultry for 20 years!

From December 17-19th, French fast-food joint Quick is offering a foie gras burger as a special item for the holiday season. They're giving their customers animal cruelty for Christmas! What's next: A special promotion with Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer getting water-boarded?

The gruesome meal consists of the fatty goose liver pâté smeared on a big ol' beef hamburger. This mess probably has as much fat and cholesterol as a McRib sandwich stuffed into a KFC Double Down, then shoved up the ass of a turducken! Soon children in France will look like kids in America...

HOT VIDEO - NKOTBSB

2010-11-22T17:17:00.004-05:00

If you detected a burning smell last night, it was because millions of cherished back-issues of Tiger Beat magazine burst into flames simultaneously, in hope chests across the nation!

The reason for this was that at last night's American Music Awards, the New Kids on the Block and the Backstreet Boys appeared "together on stage for the first time"!

Every thirty-something woman in America told their kids to STFU and started shrieking maniacally at their television sets just like they did 15 years-- and 40 pounds-- ago!

Check it out...

HOT SHOTS - A Little Off the Top

2010-11-19T16:45:00.003-05:00

When you look at the mugshot above, you may think that the guy is actually not half bad looking, but that something is not quite right. Then you see the profile view and realize that he is exactly half bad looking...

As a Miami police officer wrote in the "Unique Physical Features" box on this guy's arrest intake form, he does indeed have "half a head." Don't ask me how he's still walking around!

You may be surprised to hear that this man was arrested for soliciting a prostitute and not for engaging in a shoot-out with Dick Tracy.[via Deadspin.com]

HOT LIST - We're #1! We're #1! (...at Creepy Psychopaths)

2010-11-19T16:26:00.001-05:00

There's a interesting map at InformationIsBeautiful.net showing that every nation on Earth is number one in something. It's just that the "something" might not be a thing one wants to brag about.

For example, if you're a heavy partier, it may tickle your fancy that Colombia is number one in cocaine and that the Netherlands is number one in Ecstasy. It may sound cool to you that Somalia is number one in pirates (unless, of course, you happen to be on a cruise in Somali waters).But, how would you like your homeland to be number one in assaults (South Africa) or unemployed women (Belarus) or infant mortality (Angola)?

Malaysia is number one in rubber gloves. One can only hope that they import a lot of Vaseline...

And what is the United States number one at? Serial killers. Ummm... yayyy?
For the complete "Number One" map, click here.

HOT SHOTS - Impossible Positions

2010-11-17T16:45:00.004-05:00

Wow, they really upped the ante for the sequel to Human Centipede!

(Okay, actually, it's the X Bud Roses Troupe from the Big Apple Circus.)

[photo: AFP/ Emmanuel Dunand]

HOT DIVAS - You Haven't Heard the Last of Cher

2010-11-15T15:01:00.014-05:00

Cher is the only female solo musical artist to reach the Top Ten of the Billboard Hot 100 list in four separate decades, and at least chart in five. Now, she's back with new tracks from the soundtrack of Burlesque, a new film in which she also co-stars with Christina Aguilera.

The new tracks are good enough that she might extend her record to six decades of hits! The Boys of ThatBS love us some Cher, so we're pulling for the old broad. Did I say "old"? Looking at the photo above, I can hardly believe that she's sixty-six! My mother is only a few years her senior but she couldn't fit one thigh into that get-up Cher is wearing, and she would be fumbling around her handbag for her asthma "puffer" after singing two verses!

Seriously, this bitch is like Freddy Krueger or Michael Myers! I mean that Cher just won't stay down no matter how many times her career might have died. Shame on you if you thought I meant because her face is starting to resemble a latex mask. Of course she's had some work done... she's a sexagenarian for cryin' out loud!

From the Burlesque soundtrack, here's the great-- and aptly named-- anthem "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me"...

...And here's "Welcome to Burlesque," the fun opening theme of the movie,...

Finally, here is the trailer for Burlesque, which hits U.S. theaters on Wednesday, November 24th...

HOT TECH - iPhone App for Your Cat

2010-11-09T16:28:00.004-05:00

Because, apparently, someone demanded it: An iPhone app for your kitty to play with. So for all of you who have been clamoring for a 700-dollar cat toy, this is it! Above is a Photoshopped picture of my cat Pussy Willow playing with it... because that is as close as her claws are getting to my damn iPhone! The Cat Toy app for iPhone is available for free at the App Store. It generates silhouettes of little critters for your feline friend to go to town on. If you've ever played with your cat using a laser pointer, you know how berserk they go for little flashes of light and shadow.

Below is a completely adorable video of a kitty going to town on it. Adorable, that is, until you realize that she is trashing your expensive phone!

[via Gizmodo]

AS THE WORLD BURNS -"Eat Me"... or Die!

2010-11-05T15:46:00.005-04:00

It may surprise you that the smokin' hot babe pictured above has to resort to death threats to get a little sexy-time action. But that's just what Melissa Lee Williams of West Virginia allegedly did on October 22nd.

Police report that Williams showed up at the motel room of her ex-husband and demanded of her "ex" and his friend, "Eat my pussy!" She then started to undress herself. She really knows what she wants. While the demure lady's ex refused her polite request, his pal decided to give it a go.

Although the man had a strong enough stomach to be able to look at Williams naked without immediately puking, he became "overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Williams." Ugh... if I wasn't gay before, that phrase would sure do the trick.

At that point, the purity princess produced a lock-back folding knife and stated, "Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I'm going to cut your fucking throat!" You gotta love that kind of subtle come-on line.

The thought of her flaccid mounds of naked flesh is bad enough, but I imagine that she looks like she has Buckwheat in a headlock between her legs!

But that is not the most horrific part of this story to me. Nor is her raw-sewage vaginal fragrance or her violent tendencies. The most chilling part is that she is only 41-years-old! I mean... look at that dilapidated train-wreck of a kisser!

Via The Smoking Gun

HOT HALLOWEEN- World's Best Mom

2010-11-04T15:08:00.005-04:00

Check out this adorable little boy dressed up as Daphne from Scooby-Doo for Halloween. Yes, that's right... boy. Throwing her hat into the ring for Mother of the Year, his mom not only allowed her fey son to wear wear drag for Halloween like he wanted to, but then she took to the internet to write a passionate defense of her son and send a big "F__ you!" to anyone who has a problem with it.

Holy crap, my mother ridiculed me and refused to get me a boys pink polo shirt as a thirteen-year-old. (Because, you know, a pink polo shirt was soooo unusual in the 1980s!) This boy's mother acknowledges that her five-year-old son might be gay-- and it makes absolutely no difference to her. She loves and supports her son unconditionally.

He begged her to dress as Daphne, so she let him. It's notable that the other preschoolers seemed to have no problem with it. It was the jackass other mothers that made a big deal about it! And people wonder where kids learn to bully other kids for being different...

The money line...
If you think that me allowing my son to be a female character for Halloween is somehow going to ‘make’ him gay then you are an idiot. Firstly, what a ridiculous concept. Secondly, if my son is gay, OK. I will love him no less. Thirdly, I am not worried that your son will grow up to be an actual ninja so back off.

Please click here for her complete defense of her son to see what being a great mom is all about.

HOT VIDEO - George Takei Skewers Homophobe

2010-11-02T14:24:00.002-04:00

Science fiction icon George Takei-- Sulu on the original Star Trek fired all phasers and photon torpedoes at homophobic Arkansas school board member Clint McCance. I just love the sound of Takei's deep, rich voice telling McCance,"You are always going to be a total douchebag."

You may recall the story last week about McChance making outrageous remarks on his Facebook page in response to the October 20th "Wear Purple Day" in honor of the recent rash of suicides among gay and lesbian youth. Remember, this is an adult member of a local school board speaking about the tragic deaths of teenagers.

Outraged that people would dare ask him to honor "five queers," the awful scumbag said, "The only way I'm wearing purple is if they all commit suicide." In his rant about the "special purple fag day," he went on to post that he "like(s) that fags can't procreate" and that he also "enjoy(s) that they often give each other AIDS and die. "

Clint McCance, total douchebag

Last week, public outrage-- and CNN's Anderson Cooper-- shamed McCance into resigning from his school board. This week George Takei, the openly gay Star Trek hero, posted a rebuttal to McCance, blasting him a new a-hole for scoffing at the suicides of kids. Oh my! Take a listen...

HOT HALLOWEEN - How To Do The Thriller

2010-10-29T15:45:00.001-04:00

Just in time for Halloween, here's a clip from VideoJug.com, showing you how do dance The Thriller, just like Michael Jackson.

Dancing Kim and her "rad friends" show you how to move like they do in Jackson's "completely awesome" video...

HOT VIDEO - New Harry Potter 7 Trailer

2010-10-14T14:33:00.000-04:00

The new trailer for part one of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows looks muggle-fuckin' amazing! I loved the book-- the finale of the Hogwarts saga-- so I am getting very excited about the two-part film version. Very excited. Like someone cast a Petrificus Totalus spell on my junk, if ya know what I'm saying. Part 1 comes out next November 19th and Part 2 hits theaters next June.

Here's the new clip...

*Geek squeal* From this new trailer, the film looks suspenseful, scary and action-packed. The Harry Potter films have come a loooong way from the cartoonish CGI monsters and one-note child acting of the first film! It used to be like, "Oh look... Harry's doing the 'blooming smile' again" and "Ron is doing his frightened mug again" and "Hermione is looking stern and disapproving... again." What a difference having a good director makes.

Also released is an assortment of new movie posters, like the weirdly-Photoshopped one with Harry (aka Daniel Radcliffe) and Hermione Granger (Emma Watson) at the top of this post. Seriously... how is Harry's head sticking outside of the closing subway door that should be a foot in front of him? Magic!

My favorite new poster, of course, is the one below, featuring the mega-crazy-bitch Bellatrix Lestrange (played by the amazing Helena Bonham Carter) and the sinister Lucius Malfoy (the pitch-perfect Jason Isaacs).
Another poster features Hermione again, this time with Ron (Rupert Grint). They're really trying to cash in on Emma Watson's new image as a sexy starlet and model for Burberry clothing.
The final poster features werewolf baddie Fenrir Greyback, who could stand to have his eyebrows threaded. Although, I guess Daniel Radcliffe could also stand to have someone take a hedge-clipper to those twin 1970s-porn-mustaches on his brow...
Man, I really need to get me a Time-turner so I can jump ahead to next month and see this movie right now!

HOT ADS - Tequila is Good For You!

2010-10-06T16:14:00.000-04:00

This funny video is a mock-advertisement for Tequila, using the idiom of pharmaceutical commercials. They pretty much nail both the pros and cons that sweet, sweet nectar. Particularly, the litany of "side effects" that come with excessive consumption!

"Stop hiding and start living... with Tequila!"

HOT HALLOWEEN - Counting The Days

2010-09-24T00:33:00.007-04:00

"Monsters are such interesting people."

Yes, I would hang this on my wall. The finest of art, I say.

You remember, right? Wanna watch?

"Being watched, he says..."

(painting source)

HOT TIMES - Extreme Hand Jive

2010-09-24T00:01:00.006-04:00

My mind just got blown watching this. Yours will too.

They're amazing! Even their arguments are fun to watch!

Love them on their website, UpandOverIt.com.

One small step for Blankenship...

2010-09-20T22:22:00.005-04:00

via SissyDude (NSFW)

My Eyes Are Burning - Fashions by Willow

2010-09-20T21:31:00.007-04:00

Really, Willow? Really??

via Season 2, Ep. 4 - Inca Mummy Girl

HOT FOOD- Breakfast with Strings Attached

2010-09-16T16:57:00.005-04:00

This may be the worst breakfast-cereal prize... period! A Georgia couple is suing the Save-A-Lot grocery store chain because they claim that the husband found a tampon in his Chocolate Chip Crunch cereal! A used tampon. After he started eating the bowl of cereal.

I'm not sure why he is complaining. People pay good money for that sort of thing in vending machines in Japan. Anyway, the cereal box was clearly marked: "Now with more vitamins and iron." They just didn't mention that the iron came from hemoglobin.

Kidding aside, there is really only one appropriate reaction to this story...
Actually, that doesn't quite cover it. This is more like it...

HOT STORYLINE - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

2010-09-14T21:39:00.009-04:00

If we had written for Buffy, Season 1, Episode 4: Teacher's Pet would have gone a little differently...

FADE IN:

INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT

Buffy's pal Xander, and his high school rival, Blaine are trapped in a cage in the basement of their high school substitute teacher, Miss French. She's assumed her natural form and the boys stare forward, watching her prepare her nest.

XANDER

So you're telling me that our hot substitute science teacher is actually a giant praying mantis?

BLAINE

Yeah.

Xander

And she's lured us to her house, drugged us, caged us in her basement, where she's going to have sex with us and then bite our heads off?

BLAINE

Yeah.

XANDER

And she chose us because we're both virgins?

BLAINE

Yeah.

XANDER

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

BLAINE

Yeah. Now take off your pants. We don't have much time.

Seems like the obvious choice if they want to live.

HOT SHOT - Bush Ambush

2010-09-14T14:15:00.007-04:00

Earlier today, I was minding my own business, learning about healthy ways to eat at a Thai restaurant, when what catches my eye?

Whaaa?

That's not what I would have expected from Women's Health magazine.

Funny enough, I received this bush ambush from this newsletter.

So that means...

Read the Thai List HERE.
Read the Vag List HERE. There are some doozies.

HOT ART - Street Affair

2010-09-08T23:55:00.005-04:00

I love graffiti.

Uuuhhhhh, sooo muuuuuch...

(via Funkadelic Junkie)

BURNING QUESTION - Are You A Good Roommate?

2010-09-08T23:03:00.004-04:00

School's back in! Just in time to take this quiz from a 1946 issue of Varsity Magazine to see if you, in fact, are a good roommate.

CLICK HERE TO TAKE THE QUIZ

Best questions:

Do you insist upon too much fresh air, or none?

Do you play the radio or phonograph continuously?

Do you appear messy, unshaven or partly dressed in front of his girl friends?

HOT NEWS - Santorum's Presidential Bid Marred By Lube, Feces

2010-09-08T16:30:00.007-04:00

Former U.S. Senator-- and spectacular jackass-- Rick Santorum (R-PA) has run into a tiny bit of a roadblock in his presumed bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. That is, the politician's name has become synonymous with the "frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."

You see, when he was still in Congress in 2003, the conservative A-hole publicly equated gay marriage with pedophilia and beastiality. To say the least, this did not sit very well with openly-gay syndicated sex advice columnist Dan Savage.

So, Savage held a contest, challenging his readers to create a grotesque sexually-themed slang expression to name after then-Senator Santorum. Savage even set up a webpage to promote the icky neologism. Quickly, the anal-sex byproduct definition of "Santorum" become an internet meme, now appearing on Wikipedia and UrbanDictionary.com. It is credited by some with torpedoing Santorum's 2006 re-election bid.

The problem now is that when one searches for Santorum's name on Google, two of the first three hits reference the sexual slang term. Click the below image to enlarge...
Needless to say, it's a wee bit of a political problem if a potential voter looking for your campaign website is splattered in their eye-holes with lube, feces and leftover ejaculate! The website for Mother Jones magazine has a fun article that points out that there are three times as many links to the "frothy mix" definition webpage than to Santorum's own website.

Really, it couldn't happen to a more-deserving, hypocritical douche-nozzle!

Fresh Squeezed

2010-09-08T08:55:00.002-04:00

Mmmmm... this guy really gets the true benefit of juicing.

Happy Hump Day!

Hot Shot - Eat It

2010-09-08T00:23:00.005-04:00

Just because summer is ending, doesn't mean you can't still enjoy a funnel cake.

A hot, steaming pile of funnel cake.

My favorite part, (besides the steam/stink lines), is the yellow star burst. It screams, "POW! EAT IT!" So good.

(source)

Hot Burning Tears - Sad Don Draper

2010-09-07T23:26:00.003-04:00

Who knew witnessing Don Draper's agony on last week's Mad Men would be such a big deal? Someone's even spread the sadness on it's own website, Sad Don Draper.

Awww...

Awww!

AWWW, MAN!

Check out Sad Don Draper for more.

She Should Have Known Better.

2010-09-07T21:09:00.003-04:00

We saw the faux pas today. It was infuriating.

HOT SHOT - Photoshop WTF

2010-09-07T13:31:00.003-04:00

So much brilliance, so many WTF?'s, all in one little picture.

Run kid. Run for your life.

Brandon Flowers Needs Our Help!

2010-09-07T13:01:00.008-04:00

This isn't very new, but it really makes our day. The video for Brandon Flowers latest solo single, Crossfire, features Charlize Theron, torture happy ninjas, and Flowers himself as the "Mansel" in distress.

We would fight off ninjas too for that smile. (And back off, Charlize!)

He's so damn cute. Awkward stage presence and all...

Flowers: "If you don't like this song, there's something wrong with you."

We agree.

Flowers' debut solo album, Flamingo was released on Sept. 3.

Hot Comedy - Modern Family at the EMMYS

2010-08-31T09:57:00.004-04:00

The 3 hour show that is the EMMY telecast, is often long stretches of boring with a few funny or cute spots in it. It's another in the line of Oscars, and Golden Globes, of people in the entertainment industry patting each other on the back and telling them how great and important their work is. The entertainment industry on a whole is the only industry that gives out so many awards for achievements in their work. I don't see the best clothing folder at THE GAP getting an award, or the the best store manager at McDonalds getting public acclaim and awards that let them ask a higher salary on their next job.

All that being said, I would love to win any of the three awards I mentioned above.

This years Emmy show was not as funny as usual, but there were a few really nice bright spots. This one below with the cast of Modern Family was one of those. I am so glad it won for best comedy series.

Hot Info - The Average American

2010-08-30T09:38:00.004-04:00

You can click on the above chart to make it bigger.

This is a chart showing what the average American eats in a year. I know myself, and a lot of my friends don't fit in this chart very easily. I personally eat very little dairy. I try not to consume any, but sometimes it's in something I just can't resist. Baked goods usually have some butter in them, but it's really less than a serving and WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE JUDGING ME ANYWAY!!!

Mike doesn't eat any meat, but his sugar intake probably fills in that gap. People say he has a sweet tooth, but I know that all his teeth are that way.

I think the cow in the chart looks like he has MAD COW! One eye is all wild and bigger. He will eat you if you don't eat him.

Where do you fit on the chart, are you in the average range? I know I'm anything but average.

HOT ADS - Desperate Housewives Season 7 Promo

2010-08-30T09:27:00.003-04:00

The new promo advertising DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES SEASON 7 is out. As usual, it's a highly stylish, brightly lit, vasaline lens smeared work of art. The end announces the new housewife in the neighborhood, but the media has already leaked this info in other locations, so most people know already.

The way the girls change clothes in this is great and the music just adds to the mood. I really enjoyed this.

The show has had great seasons and bad ones, but this makes me believe that the show will go back to it's roots this year and just be about the wives who love and hurt each other at the same time.

Happy Anniversary, Sam & Mike!

2010-08-26T15:52:00.005-04:00

Congratulations to That Burning Sensation's own Sam and Mike on their 11 years together! I hope they like the present I got them.

Watch our original video HERE.

MY EYES ARE BURNING - Skate Bait

2010-08-19T16:35:00.002-04:00

Wow! I guess there's nothing a Catholic priest won't do to lure teenage boys into the Church! This skateboarding Hungarian holyman shows that priests can grind a rail as well as they can grind their crotches into firm young buttocks.

I know what I'm talking about! What do you think this padre is doing to me in the below photo from my Confirmation? Dry-hump city! The bastard didn't even call me the next morning!
Anyway, here is a video of the skateboarding priest. Kudos to the smart-ass who posted this on YouTube with a profanity-laced Blink-182 soundtrack!

HOT VIDEO - The Hulk: Hot, Bangadeshi or Gay

2010-08-12T16:33:00.002-04:00

You may know that The Incredible Hulk star Edward Norton (below left) has been replaced as the green goliath in Marvel Comics' upcoming superhero gang-bang film, The Avengers. The Kids Are All Right star Mark Ruffalo (below right) will don the ripped purple pants and fight (in CGI-enhanced form) alongside Iron Man, Captain America and Thor.

Not to be out-sexied by the Americans, a Bangadeshi film company has made their own rip-off of the Hulk-- imaginatively entitled HALKa-- starring the world-class stud below...

In addition to this genital-enflaming hunka hunka burnin' love, this epic features the greatest CGI special effects since the SyFy channel's made-for-TV opus, Sharktopus! Also, the Hulk-- I mean HALKa-- shows off his great gams by wearing a mini-skirt. I look forward to the Lindsay Lohan-like upskirt shots, since you just know this guy is packin' heat under there!
Behold the quality filmmaking...

But, as great as this film looks, it is still not my favorite version of the Hulk. I still prefer the MadTV sketch from a few years back: GAY HULK...!

Who among us hasn't been enraged by seeing outdoor furniture indoors?

Thank God It's Over - CATHY Ending Oct. 3rd.

2010-08-12T15:06:00.005-04:00

The least-funny, most-repetitive comic strip in the newspapers is finally going away on October 3rd! CATHY-- of finger-raising and "ACK"-exclaiming fame-- will no longer be sharing her woes, such as boyfriend trouble, dieting issues and her mother making her feel like a failure.

The creator Cathy Guisewite has decided to stop the 34 year old comic strip. She said in a statement, "After almost 34 years of meeting newspaper deadlines, I'm facing some personal deadlines whose requirements simply exceed my ability to procrastinate any longer." She also said she wanted to spend more time with her 18 year old daughter and aging parents, who live in Florida. Just what any 18 year old, who just moved away from home, wants: Their mom to come and stay with them!!!

You can read today's strip and a small archive of Cathy here if you want to torture yourself.

HOT BEARS - Just Wrong

2010-08-06T08:17:00.002-04:00

I know, I'm sick. This should have been nothing but innocent, but everything about this poster for the upcoming live action Yogi Bear movie (barf) makes me laugh uncomfortably.

Oh, the mind races...

Big surprise, Boo Boo's the bottom.

"Great things come in bears"? I've seen amazing things come in bears. And on bears. And next to bears. And from bears...

I don't think I want to see this movie in 3-D.

Looks like Boo Boo's getting a reach around.

I wonder if they're bear-backing?

"Coming soon". And by the looks of it, very soon.

(via)

AS THE WORLD BURNS - More Words of Wisdom from Basil Marceaux

2010-08-05T18:18:00.005-04:00

Last week, we blogged about the brilliant statesman Basil Marceaux, who is running to be the Republican nominee for Governor of Tennessee.

Since then, Basil has become a bona fide celebrity. YouTube videos of him have racked up hundreds of thousands of views and he's appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live.

Now, here's his official campaign television ad. In it, Basil eloquently states, "I want you to put me in this building the Capitol behind me here... so... I can... do my issues and make yous all free-er than you was yesterday."

It's a great pitch because, really, who among us doesn't want to be free-er than we was yesterday.

I enjoy that, in the helpful bullet-points showing Basil's campaign platform, he didn't bother proof-reading. Basil keeps it real... Spellchecking is for Godless liberals!

(click to enlarge)

Like Basil says: Have a nice day!

HOT ADS - Putting the "Bone" in "Herringbone"

2010-08-05T16:38:00.000-04:00

The above image is a screen capture from Banana Republic's website. It was called to public attention by the ladies at Jezebel.com, who live up to their blog's name with this prurient post!

You may notice that, apparently, the model is very, very excited about his lovely "tailored herringbone suit pants". ThatBS's Ryan ordered himself a pair online toot sweet when saw this picture, mistakenly thinking that it came with "everything you see here."

I like that under the photo you can click to "view larger." I think the model is doing fine all by himself.
Naturally, as soon as folks noticed this, Banana Republic had their crack Photoshop team digitally smooth down the VPL (Visible Penis Line). What a lack of salesmanship! Seriously, they could have tapped into the oh-so-tasteful barely-concealed "semi" market that is currently monopolized by the Undergear catalogue! (shown below)

Trailer Trash - Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, Interactive Trailer

2010-08-05T14:53:00.004-04:00

This is an interactive trailer for the new film SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD. You can learn facts about the movie, the actors, and the comic by clicking on links in the trailer. It's pretty amazing how much they can make you watch little bits of trivia and information and make it fun.

I'm still not sold on the movie or Michael Cera for that matter. He seems to always play the same character, kind of like Tom Cruise. Tom is always the cocky confident guy, and Michael is the awkward geeky guy who wants to be tougher. Neither of them make me want to have sex with them. Well, I would have sex with Tom, just for the story, and hopefully to make him cry a little.

HOT TRACKS - Grum - Through The Night

2010-08-04T11:33:00.006-04:00

This is the best BROMANCE Video ever made. It could be a whole movie. The song is really good too. I have to do some more research on GRUM.

Enjoy.

HOT PRODUCTS - MAN BIBS

2010-08-04T11:07:00.012-04:00

The hottest new invention sweeping my imagination are MAN BIBS!!! They are bibs that men can use during "Gentleman's Time" that will make clean up easy. You can buy them at THE CHEEKY and they come in many styles. These are great for on the go because they can be folded up and stored in your pocket, or messenger bag. No more tissues, or paper towels that come apart and stick to you, now you can spill you seed in style.

Unfortunately, they don't have any models showing how they look on you. What color looks nice with my complexion? I also worry they these do not come in any other sizes. I know the hole opening is adjustable, so that's not what worries me. I don't know if the length of these will be suitable for many people. I know a few personally who would make their deposit past the end of the bib, if you know what I mean. You know what I mean? They are shooters!

Here are some of the designs available. There are more at the website. I've also attached some people I would like them to hire as spokes models. Some of them are giving me the need for one of the bibs right now!!

HOT BEEF - Cold Cuts Cause Cancer?!

2010-08-02T13:47:00.008-04:00

Don't gimme no boloney!

A study released today finds that the nitrates used to preserve cold cuts might just give you cancer. Well that's just great, seeing that about 40% of me is made up of bologna, hot dogs, and a whole lot of other processed meat logs. Yeah, me and lunch meat go way back.

Oh boy, the study also found that I'm dumber than less carnivorous people. Because we all know if you're fat, you must be stupid.

Well, I'm a little relieved that I rarely eat that kind of meat as an adult. Because I'd rather get my hands on a nice sausage anyway.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Basil Marceaux, Tennessee's Brightest Political Light

2010-07-29T17:05:00.007-04:00

The clip below is the most brilliant political speech of our time! Meet Tennessee Republican gubernatorial candidate Basil Marceaux. Basil has some... ummm... interesting ideas. And, with his Obama-like oratory skill, the Democrats down in Tennessee must be shaking in their boots!

Okay, maybe shaking with laughter. Seriously, this marble-mouthed wing-nut makes George W. Bush look like Martin Luther King! Compared to Basil, Miss Teen South Carolina 2007 Caitlin Upton's notoriously incoherent "Such as the Iraq" answer sounds like Thomas Paine's "Common Sense."

Listen to Basil when he was given the chance to go on "that there talking box" for some free political airtime...

You can't argue with logic like that! "Everyone can carry a gun. If you kill someone, no, you get murdered... you go to jail" Indeed! By the way, I suppose I owe him an apology for calling him "Basil Marceaux" rather than his proper Christian name of "Basil-Marceaux-dot-com," as he introduced himself.

Basil's genius website makes this promise to Tennessee voters: "Vote for me and if I win I will immune you from all state crimes for the rest of you life!" (sic)

For some more background on the next Governor of the Great State of Tennessee, click here. Did I say Governor? Hell, I hope the GOP run Basil on their 2012 Presidential ticket with Sarah Palin. Saturday Night Live can hire Wilford Brimley to play him opposite Tina Fey!

HOT ADS - DC UNIVERSE ONLINE!

2010-07-27T14:41:00.003-04:00

I don't really like how Wonder Woman looks, but I can't wait to play this. Unfortunately the game is only online with multi-players and you have to pay a service fee for monthly access. That is so stupid. I will play one month and then quit!! Like Secondlife, and World of Warcraft, it will just suck up too much time otherwise. That's why I never got into either of those games either.

Here is what I'm guessing is the opening sequence to the game. Really fun!!

Video Games | DC Universe Online | Exclusive Who Do You Trust Trailer

XBox 360 | Playstation 3 | Nintendo Wii

BURNING QUESTION - A Large Gassy Object You Can See From Space

2010-07-23T16:04:00.008-04:00

Pop Quiz!

Question: To whom does the above Associated Press headline refer?

A. Kirstie Alley

B. Kevin Federline

C. Gabourey Sidibe

Answer: None of the above. Of course that talentless douche Kevin Federline is not a "star," silly! No, this headline refers to a star of the astronomical variety.

MY EYES ARE BURNING! - The Best Wedding Toast Ever!

2010-07-23T10:15:00.003-04:00

Rick here is a good guy. He's a nice guy who is very happy his friends are getting married and sharing their lives together. He has so words of advise to help see them through their years together.

Cindy Lou sitting next to him could really care less about the wedding. She doesn't really get what Rick is saying.

That's the best wedding toast ever!!! I made me so happy!

Hot ADS - 8th Continent Soy Milk

2010-07-19T14:44:00.007-04:00

As most of you know, I'm pretty anti-cow when it comes to food. I try my best not to eat stuff that comes from a cow. Sometimes I have to use butter, but mostly, if it comes from a MOO MOO, it's a NO NO for me.

I drink 8th Continent Soy Milk of SILK Very Vanilla Soy Milk most of the time. I love 8th Continent even more after seeing this commercial. Only in Britain can they say things like this on TV too.

Children remind me of birds sometimes. Growing up, I had a friend named Gina whose father used to raise exotic birds. These birds would imitate sounds and words they heard a lot. One in particular would make the sound of the phone ringing all the time, so you would run into the kitchen to get the phone and realize that it was just the bird making the sound. It was so accurate and loud.

Over the course of a week, while Gina's parents were on vacation, her and I fed, watered, and maintained the birds cages. The entire time we were in the rooms with birds, we would only say the word "shit" over and over again. By the end of the week, many of the birds would just randomly say "SHIT" when they saw us. We thought it was hilarious. When Gina's parents got back from vacation, they did find it so amusing. For a month, they were giving me the same side-eye when I came over, as the woman in the picture is giving this loving mom!

1 more thing to notice, look how the peppers in the fridge match the colors of the 8th Continent LOGO exactly. The fruit on the other side has two of the same colors too. I love that somebody thought of that!

here are some of their other great ads

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - Undercover Jewel

2010-07-14T12:37:00.003-04:00

This video from Funny Or Die, isn't really funny. It's fun though.

I remember hearing Jewel for the first time and being amazed at her song writing skills. I never really cared to hear her talk or know more about her, I just liked her songs. She seems like one of those boring celebrities, like Chris O'Donnell, Sheryl Crow, and Tom Welling. They might be entertaining in their shows or music, but outside of that, they are boring as hell!

This would have been a great night to make a fool out myself at Karaoke though.
I think I would have known it was her as soon as she started singing and I saw that giant snaggle tooth of hers. What are the chances that another girl with a similar voice had the same tooth abomination!!

Undercover Karaoke with Jewel from Jewel

AS THE WORLD BURNS - The Bionic Cat

2010-06-25T15:41:00.006-04:00

Scientists in the UK have created the world's first bionic cat! The cuddly cyborg, Oscar, lost both back legs when a combine harvester ran over him. A combine harvester! If you're unfamiliar with this piece of farm equipment, click here to see one of these nasty multi-bladed monstrosities to get an idea of what poor Oscar endured.

Neuro-orthopedic surgeon Noel Fitzpatrick grafted prosthetic paws onto the footless feline in a three-hour operation. Oscar can now run around the house, maniacally chasing a bug or a laser-pointer just like any other cat!

The video below shows how well Oscar gets around on his new limbs...

The idea of bionic cats is especially exciting to me. My hubby Sam and I have a beloved cat, Endora, who is missing one eye...
Now we can get her eye replaced... but Sam won't want to stop there! He'll want the surgeons to totally trick out Endora with all the extras. Then he'll have himself bionically enhanced, so that he can re-enact scenes like the one below from the 1970s TV classic The Bionic Woman, with Lindsay Wagner (as Jaime Sommers) running with her bionic pet.

He'll even play the same music and make the ba-na-na-na-na-na sound when they run! Then he and our bionic kitty will go home and cuddle on a Sleep Number bed.

BURNING QUESTION - Courtney Love or Tranny?

2010-06-23T17:06:00.003-04:00

When I saw the photo above of Hole lead singer Courtney Love and famous male-to-female (MTF) transgendered person-- and NYC nightlife fixture-- Amanda Lepore, I had to do a double-take. Not because of the provocative pose, but because I wasn't 100% sure which was which!

It shouldn't be this difficult to distinguish between then. I mean, one is a fame-whoring, horrifyingly flounder-faced hot mess who has had such a crazy amount of plastic surgery, in a disastrous quest to look like a beautiful woman, that they barely appear human. The other is a transgendered person.

So, get your number 2 pencils ready for a pop quiz with the photographs below of both of them. Courtney or Tranny...?
Answer: I think all these pictures are of Courtney Love, but I'm not quite certain.

(P.S.: Apologies to the transgendered community if anyone reading this post is left with the erroneous impression that the average MTF person is as cartoonishly over-the-top as Amanda Lepore.)

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Dream Big

2010-06-22T18:34:00.005-04:00

When most ladies hit a certain weight, they tend to start dieting. Donna Simpson of New Jersey eats dainty gals like that for breakfast. Probably literally. Plus-plus-plus-sized Donna is on a quest to become the world's heaviest woman!

Already tipping the truck-scales at 600 pounds, Donna is shooting for 1,000 pounds. Set your goals high, I always say! Sure, she suffers from Type 2 diabetes and "struggles with basic tasks such as cooking and taking a shower," but that's a small price to pay for beauty like this. She can always order takeout and bathe at the car wash.
She posts her smokin' hot photos at her own website which is under the umbrella of SuperSizedBombshells.com. Click on both if you you can stand an enormous amount of sex appeal.

GRATUITOUS LOVE - ELEANOR AUDLEY

2010-06-21T16:27:00.013-04:00

Contrary to most of you seem to believe, the boys at That Burning Sensation do not always lead the most amazing, glamorous lives. Sometimes, we stay at home and watch movies on DVD in front of the 52" flat screen and relax, just like the "little people."
Mike and I love classic movies, preferably between the 1930's and 60's. His Girl Friday, Bringing Up Baby, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, The Birds, Pillow Talk, The Thin Man, Casablanca, and Some Like It Hot, just to name a few. We like to try new (to us) ones as often as possible.

This past weekend we watched All That Heaven Allows, with Rock Hudson and Jane Wyman. She plays a cougar which, in the 1950s, was frowned upon, to say the least. Their suburban town is abuzz with the scandal of her dating someone young enough to be her own child!!! (In real life, Jane was only 9 years Rock's senior).

In the last third of the film, an older woman-- a small background character who really only has three lines of dialogue-- comes on and speaks. After she finished her first sentence, I immediately pushed the pause button on the DVD player and screamed, "OH MY GOD, THAT'S MALEFICENT!" Maleficent is, of course, the evil sorceress from Disney's classic Sleeping Beauty, and one of the greatest mega-bitch villains in film history.

We immediately went to the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com) to look up the movie and found I was indeed correct. I remembered after seeing her picture that the actress, Eleanor Audley, also did the voice of the wicked stepmother in Cinderella, Lady Tremaine.

Audley worked with animator Marc Davis in both films and he created the characters' facial features to resemble her. Eleanor initially turned down the choice role of Maleficent because she was battling tuberculosis. Thankfully she took the part and her voice acting-- and filmed stage acting in a makeshift costume-- helped bring the character to life in a way that, 50 years later, still can inspire and frighten you.

She also provided the voice of Madame Leota in the Haunted Mansion attractions in Disneyland and Walt Disney World, speaking the memorable lines, "Rap on a table. It's time to respond. Send us a message from somewhere beyond!"

She was a well known character actress often playing aristocratic characters and later went on to be a cast regular in the TV show Green Acres.

Here's to you Eleanor. We love-- and slightly fear-- you!

HOT DRINK - 192 Proof Booze

2010-06-21T15:50:00.009-04:00

Well, it's about time!

Spirytus 192-Proof Alcohol Approved by [New York] State

"...meaning the potent potables are 96% alcohol." (FULL STORY)

Fellow That BS'er Mike emailed me, thinking I'd be all over this shit, but I actually think it's really stupid and irresponsible. I mean, rubbing alcohol gets the job done just the same and it's so much cheaper. Save your money!

(image)

OUT & ABOUT - Slow Burn

2010-06-21T13:04:00.004-04:00

Two applications of SPF 30 is no match for 7 hours in the sun.

MY EYES ARE BURNING - Dance, Baby, Dance!

2010-06-18T15:29:00.006-04:00

When I saw the video below of a samba-dancing baby from Brazil, a haunting melody starting slithering around my skull... ooga-chaka ooga-chaka ooga-chaka. It brought back horrific memories of that creepy dancing baby from the late 1990s that everyone (including your techno-illiterate grandma) e-mailed you!
Seriously, after getting e-mailed that thing by 50 people and then seeing it on Ally McBeal and a Blockbuster Video ad, I slept with one eye open!

Actually, I'm just jealous of this Brazilian kid, shaking his poo-poo maker. He dances way better than I do. To hear my hubby Sam tell it-- with his characteristic tact-- I move like Frankenstein in a full-body cast!

Anyway, lets get this party started! Happy Friday!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Ice Ice Baby

2010-06-17T16:39:00.003-04:00

There's an old joke among gay men that goes...
Q: What's the difference between a straight frat boy and a gay frat boy?
A: Three beers.

Well, it seems the frat boys of today will now get down on their knees for just one drink! A Smirnoff Ice, to be precise. Various news outlets (i.e. The New York Times, the Huffington Post, etc.) have recently reported on a new drinking game called "Bros Icing Bros." The rules state if you present a fellow "bro" with a Smirnoff Ice, he must get down on one knee and chug it. If he's also already in possession of another Smirnoff Ice, he has immunity and can deflect it and expect his challenger to quaff both bottles.

I can neither confirm nor deny that, in college, I would get down on my knees after a couple of Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers.

Given that Smirnoff Ice is the type of beverage that frat boys used to call a "bitch drink," naturally some observers suspect that this new drinking game was just a clever viral marketing campaign by the manufacturer. There was a BrosIcingBros.com website up until major news outlets stared reporting on it. Since the site was unceremoniously shut down, it seems like Smirnoff may have realized there would be a wee bit of a PR problem with encouraging underaged college kids to binge drink their product!

Gratuitous LOVE - FUNKO Plush Toys

2010-06-17T15:33:00.030-04:00

I've known of the company FUNKO for a long time. They have made bobble-heads of pop culture characters-- everyone from superheroes to breakfast cereal characters. They are available at almost any novelty shop in the country and I think some of them are really cute.

Well recently they have started a plush toy line. The are using a super simple character design for all their plush and I love them!!! I was never into Beanie Babies, but I could really get into these. Thankfully I'm not spending money and I don't have room for any more stuff in my apartment, so I'm not tempted to buy any of them. Cut to me six months from now with 50 of them covering the bed and taking over where the cats (and Mike) sleep!

They are doing a few lines of characters. The first I saw were all open domain (free for them to use) characters, such as those from The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland. They have recently ventured into licensed characters and, as you will see below, some of my favorite things.

You can buy any of these online at ENTERTAINMENT EARTH or AMAZON but I suggest you don't if you have kids. They will demand more characters and soon they could take over your house with cuteness!!!

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

DC SUPER HEROES - Fortunately they aren't doing Wonder Woman, because if I bought her (and you know I would HAVE TO) I would want to buy more and more and more of them!!

THE LORD OF THE RINGS! - I mean even the little ORC is cute as hell!!!

Hot Ads - Huggies Jean Diapers

2010-06-14T11:35:00.004-04:00

Look at the two women in the commercial. They are staring at a baby's ass! Perverts!! They also must be into scat, because he says his diaper is full.

This is the most controversial diaper commercial I've ever seen. It's been edited and changed twice since it originally aired due to people being upset. First below is the original version...

The commercial says:
My diaper is full... full of chic! When it's a number two I look like number one. I poo, in blue. The coolest you'll look pooping your pants.

The commerical was almost immediately changed on tv so it said :
My diaper is full... full of fashion! When it's a number two, I look like number one. I poo, in blue. The coolest you'll look pooping your pants.

Then it was edited again to change the tag line so it now reads:
When you gotta go, go in style.

People actually got upset by the word POOPING appearing on screen. REALLY?! I mean it's a comedy commercial about a diaper. If you are offended by it, you are full of chic! It actually makes me want to buy diapers! I know they are limited edition diapers and I should get them while I can. I will be able to use them when I'm old and incontinent and I will look amazing crapping my pants! All the other old people in the home will be so jealous and try to steal them from me, but I will hoard them. Or, I will make the handsome, well-preserved older gents a deal. They get one diaper for every "rectal exam" they let me give them!

I've really got to get to the store!

HOT ADS - Martini Man

2010-06-09T08:40:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or does this guy look a little like Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

Either way, this ad from 42 Below kind of makes me want to drink giant martinis till hot men in underwear appear in the bottom of my glass...

*GLUG*

Hellllooow, shhhex-shhee. Can I hhandle yerrrolives?

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - SPARTACUS is Coming Back!!

2010-06-08T11:38:00.009-04:00

According to Deadline Hollywood, Spartacus star Andy Whitfield has been given a clean bill of health and is already training for his return to the set of the Starz drama series.

I wish I was going to be at Comic Con where Whitfield will make an appearance along with other actors and producers from the hit series Spartacus: Blood and Sand. He is another on my long list of guys I love from Down Under!!

Whitfield was discovered to have had treatable Stage 1 non-Hodgkin lymphoma in early March just as the show was about to start shooting Season 2. He began treatment immediately while production was put on hold.

Tests now revealed that Whitfield is clear of cancer and he has already started his own training to get back in shape. A very nice shape it is too.

Thankfully, Andy didn't die like all the other HOT TV Crushes I've had. First I liked Mark Frankel from Kindred and the TV show SISTERS. He died in a Motorcycle accident. Then I liked Kevin Smith who played ARES in Xena Warrior Princess. He died doing a stunt on a new series. Then it was Wentworth Miller from PRISON BREAK. Well he's not dead, but he is to me!! Then just recently Gary Coleman died falling down the stairs. I don't understand why GOD has to keep killing such hot snatch!!

While Whitfield was undergoing treatment, Starz announced a six-episode Spartacus prequel focused on two other characters from the series, played by Lucy Lawless and John Hannah. Whitfield will appear in two of the episodes.

YAY!!! We will get to see more of Lucy Lawless, I was sad during the season finale thinking she wouldn't be in Season 2.

With all this good news I have a 6 episode mini-series and then actual season 2 of the show to look forward to. And the erections that come with them.

HOT SHOTS - One Track Mind

2010-06-07T08:00:00.002-04:00

Q: Guess which part of this tweet caught my eye?

A: All my brain registered was "9 inches" and "You can never have too much".

I was so disappointed after I re-read the whole thing.

Yeah. I know.

JUST THE TIP : Texting!

2010-06-03T15:55:00.001-04:00

We have the all the advice you need to have a better, happier, more beautiful life. But today you're getting Just The Tip.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Toilet Humor

2010-06-03T15:24:00.001-04:00

Remember the wacky pranks of high school? Smearing glue on someone’s chair. Filling a locker with shaving cream. Taking a dump and putting some of your fresh feces in a classmate’s soda pop and watching them unwittingly drink it. Wait… what?!

The latter is just what a 17-year old New Jersey student did… or, rather, doo-dooed. Cola-crapping wasn’t popular when I was young but, apparently, kids today have gone from the Pepsi Generation to the poopsi generation.

Authorities said the victim chugged some of the tainted soda, then did a horrified spit-take (shit-take?), as his fellow students guffawed. That’s right… other civic-minded kids saw the prank go down and didn’t warn their classmate! It may surprise you that Dr. Pooper’s victim did not find his prank quite so ha-ha-hilarious and had the merry jokester arrested on a charge of aggravated assault. Assault with a doody weapon.

Prosecutors later dropped the assault rap when the prankster pled guilty to a lesser charge of “tampering with a food product.” The Mad Crapper’s penalty included probation, performing 200 hours of community service, and writing a letter of apology to the victim. “Sorry I dropped a deuce in your carbonated beverage. My bad.”

He was also required to write a 1,000-word report on why it's unhealthy to ingest fecal matter. Yes, really.

Graffiti With A Message - BP

2010-06-03T13:11:00.006-04:00

Graffiti in New York can often be a political statement or social commentary. I have seen the circle-with-the-slash-through-it (The "NO" symbol) over the mouths of celebrities on billboards and posters around the city. I have seen empty word bubbles coming of celebrities mouths.

Well this graffiti makes a statement about the corporate greed that led to the huge Gulf Coast oil spill, and I love it. Actually, it looks sort of like the toilet the morning after I go drinking. That's why I don't drink.

Also, I can't believe how much gas is!! Is that how much it is everywhere? Not having driven regularly in over 10 years, I can't imagine how I would afford this! I remember fighting with my roommate in college about driving the extra block to get gas for 98 cents a gallon when it was 99 cents at the place we were. CRAZY!! What's worse is that the companies that produce the gas make record profits every year.

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - TRUE BLOOD minisode 6

2010-06-03T12:57:00.007-04:00

The 6th and final TRUE BLOOD minsode for the season is here and it features the shows resident hottie Jason Stackhouse. Played as young, dumb, and full of cum, Ryan Kwanten brings his well worked out body to the show each week and the producers know the less clothing he has on, the more the women and gay men will want to watch him. She they make sure to keep him as naked as possible. Here are some images of Ryan in and out of work.

Enjoy the final minisode and watch this Sunday for the start of the 3rd season.

To watch previous episodes click here
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five

R.I.P. Rue McClanahan

2010-06-03T11:59:00.005-04:00

Terrible, terrible news today. Beloved actress Rue McClanahan passed away this morning at the age of 76. She played many roles during her long, lovely career, including those in classics like Maude, and Mama's Family. But to us she'll always be our Golden Girl, and slutty idol Blanche Devereaux. So let's all cut a slice of cheesecake, say a prayer, and meet up at the Rusty Anchor tonight for a mint julep in her honor.

Here is one of my all time favorite Golden Girls scenes, where Blanche stays up for 72 hours writing her novel. 5 minutes of sheer brilliance.

Our hearts go out to her family and friends. Rest in peace, Rue.

HOT ADS - WESC Socks

2010-06-03T10:42:00.002-04:00

This is the funniest and most beautiful sock ad I've ever seen. I love his tube sock!

MY EYES ARE BURNING! - New Store in SoHo

2010-06-01T17:13:00.002-04:00

This is a gigantic store in SoHo, but they only seem to sell your mom's vagina.