HOT DESIGN - Waterworld!

* This may look like something on which Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Dr. Beverly Crusher might take a cruise during shore leave on the pleasure-planet Risa, but it is a real-life 300 foot luxury yacht!


The Infinitas, by yacht-maker Schopfer, includes accommodations for 12 guests, a swimming pool, a helicopter pad and total awesomeness. Engage!

More photos and specs here










* Holland is largely under sea level, so keeping houses from flooding is a constant problem.
To solve this, the world's first floating apartment complex has been proposed.

It will have a floating road to the mainland as well as plenty of boat docks for its 60 luxury units. It will also be 25% more energy-efficient than an similar land-based complex by using the surrounding water for cooling.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Tigers Run Wild in Vegas

The Associated Press reports that yesterday a tiger escaped from a Las Vegas magic act and roamed the streets of Sin City before being captured. No one was harmed... this time.

I thought that we had heard the last of Monticore, the tiger who savaged magician Roy Horn, of the magical duo Siegfried & Roy, in 2003. What, did Monticore escape again to finish Roy off?

Or, perhaps, this time he was after hideous, steroid-popping prop-comedian Carrot Top! Maybe they captured him too soon...

RETINA BURN - The View's Sherri Shepherd Get A Brazilian Wax

Dry-heave alert! Yesterday on The View, Sherri Shepherd decided to get a Brazilian bikini wax (even the Wikipedia link is NSFW!) on camera. This was in preparation for revealing her new "bikini body" (*barrrrrf*) on the show next week. What results is like the infamous waxing scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin, if Steve Carell was a black woman. And borderline mentally retarded. From the nauseating sounds in this clip, she may be hairier than he was.

Apparently, The View's resident dingbat thought they would give her some sort of painkilling drugs before the procedure. Of course, this is a woman who admitted on national television that she didn't know whether the Earth was flat. Unlucky for Sherri; lucky for us. Enjoy!

Consumer Whore - The Best T-Shirt Today

Mike Carroll brought the above shirt to my attention. I used to love GI Joe as a kid, but not for the same reasons other boys liked it. They liked the fighting, the guns, the heroes. I loved the bad guys, especially THE BARONESS! I also loved the gayest character in TV at the Time, Cobra Commander! Well he and Starscream from Transformers fought over who was gayer. They were voiced by the same guy who I hope was a flaming queen.

I also loved the Tomax and Xamot, the gay twins. They were the biggest bitches on TV and you know Cobra Commander rubbed out many a frustration while thinking about those two.

You can get the shirt here for $20. http://nerduo.com/thebattle/

To show my true love of the show, Mike and I went as the Baroness and Destro (her metal faced lover) a few years ago for Halloween. Of course, going to gay parties and gay bars, nobody knew who we were. When we were on the subway, the straight guys got our costumes. This year, if we were to re-wear them, at least people would know who we are, thanks to the movie with Channing Tatum! (See Below Post)

Channing Tatum Is The New Patrick Swayze!

Channing Tatum, whom had gotten a little thick after filming GI Joe, doesn't seem to have the problem anymore. Here he is with an asian girl, no it's NOT MARGARET CHO! It's actually Charlyne Yi whom used to date Michael Cera and is in the new movie PAPER HEART with him.

Here Channing is shirtless and recreates the scene from Dirty Dancing with Charlyne playing the Jennifer Grey part. Actually it may be Jennifer Grey, after she starred in the movie, she got a nose job. She thought that she would finally be what she thought was pretty. The nose job changed her face so much, that people didn't recognize her and she could no longer get parts in movies. Usually being prettier helps with getting parts, but in her case it was a door slamming her out.

Full Frontal - Lucy Lawless brings Male Nudity With Spartacus

Thanks to Lucy Lawless, we now know that there is going to be full-frontal male nudity on her new Starz! show "Spartacus: Blood and Sand." Who knew we'd ever have a reason to watch Starz!

The nude dude in question is Andy Whitfield, an Australian actor and former model who is breaking out in the title role. Lawless recently told Entertainment Weekly (see clip below) that you get to see the full bait and tackle on the premium cable show. She also says that she was "traumatized" by being exposed to it. I have no idea how she could be traumatized by a dick unless it was glowing or deformed with warts or something.

Like most gladiator fare, Whitfield spends lots of the time shirtless and fighting kind of like "300," but Whitfield looks like a million bucks, so that's all that matters. Too bad we're going to have to wait until January 2010 to polish our swords.

Check out the trailer below!
http://www.starz.com/originals/spartacus

HOT PRODUCTS - The Shake Weight

Looking for a great gift for Mom? The Shake Weight is the perfect exercise tool if her triceps are flabby "bingo wings"... or if her arms get tired during a 10-man bukakke.

The Shake Weight has a patented motion that looks remarkably like jacking off a massive peen aimed at your face. If you think I'm just being dirty minded, that's admittedly usually a safe assumption. However, in this case, you can watch their promotional video and judge for yourself.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - The Sordid Tale of Muffy

Nine years after vanishing from outside her Australian family's home, Muffy the dog was found alive and well this month in another backyard — 1,200 miles away — officials said Thursday.

This seems like is a heartwarming tale, until you hear the real story. Muffy was heavily into snorting ground-up Kibbles & Bits. High out of their minds, she and her boyfriend, a pomeranian named Bowser, killed a postman and buried the body in the backyard. Actually, she only admits that they "put him to sleep." They then skipped town and went on a nine-year cross-country spree of robbing convenience stores for sausages and Vegemite, murdering squirrels and taking dumps on sidewalks.

It was only after Bowser dumped her for a slutty labradoodle, that Muffy let herself be "found" and returned to her old family of unsuspecting human suckers. The bitch.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Riding Bareback

It's like Romeo & Juliet... if Juliet weighed 1000 pounds. No, this is not a story about Aretha Franklin's love life. Rodell Vereen was charged with making sweet, sweet love with a horse. The owner of "Sugar" caught him the act on videotape, then caught him at shotgun point when he returned for seconds.

Actually, it was more than just seconds. The South Carolina man pleaded guilty last year to having sex with the same horse after her owner found him in the same stable and was sentenced to probation and placed on the state's sex offender list. Apparently, Rodell thinks that once you go pony, all else seems phony.

Sugar was acting strange and getting infections again. How dirty do you have to be to have sex with a horse, and the horse is the one who has to worry about catching the clap? The owner noticed things in the barn had been moved around – dirt piled up and bales of hay stacked near the horse's stall. Also, candles were lit and a Barry White CD was left in the player.

Playing With My Joystick! - Steampunk Mickey Mouse

While not officially announced, the above image is believed to be from a new video game called EPIC MICKEY. Gay Gamer got to the bottom of things with some research showing different artists and video game producers working on the project.

I'm a big Steampunk fan, and big Kingdom Hearts fan, and a big Disney Fan, so if and when this game comes out, it will be mine.

More shots and the complete story can be see here!

Consumer Whore - Baby Medication

This is from an AWARD WINNING ad campaign that urges you to anally administer medication to your baby. Click on the image for a larger view. This poor baby had to endure hours of tattooing and what amounts to torture for this one picture. Plus after a little research I learned that he was considered too fat the week before and lost 4 pounds during the week so he could be camera ready. His parents are monsters. Sort of like these horrible people from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia who are trying to tan their baby!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECzz-p6Ulas

(Like how I how worked It's Always Sunny into another post, I LOVE THAT SHOW!!)

Hollywood Heat - It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the best show FX has ever had and one of the funniest shows ever made is returning on Thursday Sept. 17th!! I can't wait to see Charlie, Dennis, Dee, and Mac get into trouble again. Here is just a little taste of why I love the show!



AND one of the best episodes ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECzz-p6Ulas&feature=channel

TOO good!! Danny Devito is so hilarious!!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - I Love You, Pikachu

The NY Times has a fascinating report about a subculture of people in Japan who fetishize and fall in love with two-dimensional characters from manga and anime. It's a touching tale of guys who touch themselves to twelve-year-old Japanese schoolgirl characters.

At last the final love-that-dare-not-speak-its-name can speak it's damn name! If you want to dry hump Pokemon's Pikachu, rejoice! If DragonBall Z makes your draggin' balls feel XXX, you're not alone!

GEEK OUT - Scotty Was Right!

In a memorable scene from Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home, the 23rd-Century USS Enterprise crew is stuck in the 1980's and Scotty goes to a glass company and cheats history by "inventing" the transparent aluminum they need, since the stuff does not yet exist in the 20th Century.

Well, it exists now! An international team, led by Oxford University scientists, created transparent aluminum with a short pulse from a laser, which ‘knocked out’ a core electron from every aluminum atom. The stuff is so unique that the scientists say that it qualifies an entirely new state of matter!

Can transporters and phasers be far behind? Now if only I could control my Power Mac by saying "Hello, Computer" into my mouse like Scotty did...

EAR GOO - Mika: We Are Golden

We call our music postings "Ear Goo." However, in this case, there may be some panty goo involved as well. Given my well-known weakness for skinny, fey guys, it should come as no surprise that I rather enjoy Mika's new video for "We Are Golden."

In it, the adorable British-raised Lebanese-American prances around in his underwear almost the entire time. It's a very cute video, mimicking the way we all have full-tilt lip-synched to our favorite songs in our bedrooms, when we thought no one was looking. At least I hope no one was looking. Otherwise, there are some rather embarassing videos out there of tear-soaked performances of Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On."

Mika's new album, also entitled "We Are Golden," will be released on September 21st.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - DEATH EDITION, or MY DEAD GRANDMA IS LOOKING AT ME!!!

I don't even need to write this to make it hilarious! Cremation Solutions is offering a new twisted way to creep out your family after your death. They will do a 3D computer scan of your head, like I used to do in the toy business. I would then get a tiny replica produced from the computer to use on an action figure or doll. However, Cremation Solutions will make a life-sized URN from this. It is big enough to hold your completely charred remains. You can leave it to someone you hate with a giant wad of money on the condition they keep the head on the night stand next to their bed so you, in death, can watch them have sex.

If scaring one person isn't enough, you can also get MINI-URNS. Each one is a 1/4 scale size of your head and will hold about 1/4 of your dead ass ash! Now 4 people will have you looking over them.

I've told people before that I want a little head, but I never ever wanted it this way.

I do however, want to do this with my mom. However, I would like to get a voice chip and record lots of my mom's wacky sayings. Then just put a speaker in the back of the urn so for years to come, my sister and I will be able to hear her hoarse voice screaming such classics as "Where's My Car," "I Can't Find That ET Tape," and "We're All Gonna Die!"

After seeing this product I didn't think death could get any better. Then I stumbled on The Star Trek Line, from ETERNAL IMAGE. First, they offer the beautiful and elegant Urn. As their website says, "The new STAR TREK™ Urn will feature a bold design reminiscent of the 24th century styling of the United Federation of Planets and Starfleet." Urns will be available in 2009. They sound amazing to me. Now if they just had a voice chip that said "Engage," or "It's DEEEE-AN-NA!"

But wait, there's more!! You can also get the lovely Casket. Again, as the website says "The STAR TREK™ Casket styling has been inspired by the popular “Photon Torpedo” design seen in STAR TREK™ II: The Wrath of Khan." I could not write a better description.
So elegant, so sleek, and it will look great in the Star Trek Vault or with a Star Trek Monument, both of which are coming soon! This is a Coffin that I could really get into!

Order yours today!!! RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!!!

MAGIC BLUE M&M'S HELP MICE WALK AGAIN!!!

This poor little mouse had a spinal injury that made him a crippled little bitch! Science however has helped him regain the use of his feet, and turned him blue! Now, he can walk with a limp and he looks like a hairy Smurf. The other mice tease him and pee on him chanting "Yellow and Blue make Green" He is now manic depressive and spends most days sneaking to their food dishes and crapping in them.

This was achieved with the magic food coloring from Blue M&M's" Read the whole story here!

MEDIA BLITZ - TRUE BLOOD!

I don't know if I'm the only one still watching TRUE BLOOD on HBO, but I'm really enjoying it. It's totally trashy fun. There are things I don't like, but there is enough stuff I love, including the HOT NORSE VAMPIRE ERIC, to keep me coming back for more. Lots of hot bodies and hot men.

The new trailer, for whats happening in the rest of Season 2, gets me excited! In more ways than one! The Vampire war looks to be heating up and the town possessed by Maryann (the wickedly amazing Michelle Forbes) is going all black eyed crazy!!!

I also saw an interview with the Sookie, Bill and Eric taken during Comic Con. I have to say, in real life, my feelings about the vampires change. In the show, I think Bill is boring, and Eric is hot and fun. In real life, Bill (Stephen Moyer) has a nice English/Scottish/??? accent that makes my pants tighter in the front! Eric (Alex Skarsgard) gives me a chubby in the show, especially in the Viking flashbacks a few weeks ago, but in real life, his mouth and overbite don't work for me. Not to say I wouldn't have wild sex with him and his super tall long lanky 6'4"body. I'd even let him bite me.

MEDIA BLITZ - GLEE!!!!

GLEE (My new favorite show!) has gotten so much buzz, the bumped up the season start to Sept. 9th!!! I will set my DVR as soon as possible. In the clip above, Mercedes (the fabulous Amber Riley) covers Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows." The show looks like it's just going to be a flat out musical and not just them performing live. This makes it all the better to me. I'm just glad it doesn't suck like Viva Laughlin. My poor secret husband Hugh Jackman, worked hard and sang his heart out on that show, but it was crap, nobody watched it, and it got cancelled after 2 episodes. Even his hotness couldn't make me watch it.

MY EYES ARE BURNING!!! Susan Sarandon doesn't think Cologne lasts!

A new website was just launched called AdViews. It has hundreds of vintage ads for everything including Car Rentals, Feminine Sprays, and Baby Food. (For those times you have the urge to have sex in the back seat of a car, you want to smell good down there, and you end up with a baby!)

They site opens company grouped commercials in your iTunes, and lets you download them for free. I am in love with one from Yardley Cosmetics. It features Susan Sarandon selling "Daytime Cologne." "Because you meet more people during the day than you do in the evening!"

You can spend hours on the site and in your iTunes watching insane ads. I remember so many terrible ads from my childhood including the Fruity Pebbles ads, Pampers, Sara Lee ads. The older ones for Old Spice, Raisin Bran, and Scope are fun.

I have only had the site work through iTunes however, so you might have trouble actually seeing the ads if you don't have it.

GEEK OUT - Comic-Con Tidbits 2

There were lots of celebrities and movie companies at Comic-Con last week, and they were promoting all of their new projects. Zombieland with Woody Harrelson is one I'm dying to see.



I think it looks hilarious. In the same vein as "Shawn of the Dead."


The 10 most talked about projects are talked about here. There are more clips and trailers than you can shake a stick at. Well really, it's about how big the stick is, and what I've been doing that day. If it's a small stick, I might be able to shake it for a long time, unless I worked out and my arms are tired, then......

The link follows a list of big projects coming soon including the new V series, and James Cameron's first movie in 14 years "AVATAR"
Check it out. There is so much to see and get your hopes up about. Then when they finally arrive, you will be disappointed and your dreams crushed like those of orphaned children on open house day!

OH, Did I mention there is the new trailer for TRON?

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Worse Than Gitmo

A rough, tough U.S. Navy spokesman has sued a female reporter for sexual harassment. He actually said-- without any sense of irony-- that she treated him worse than Guantanamo detainees... with her hurtful words! I suppose that's true if you don't count, you know, stuff like beatings, sexual assault, and torture with broken glass, barbed wire and burning cigarettes.

HOT FLASHES - Hemingway Invasion! Two-Headed Baby! Death By Boner!

* Zombie-like multitude of marauding Ernest Hemingways invade Key West. Demand booze and bulky sweaters, rather than brains.

* Conjoined twins born with two heads, but one body! The silver lining is that mom only has one diaper to change.

* Talk about learning things the hard way. Erectile dysfunction drug contributes to teenage boy's death.

AS THE WORLD BURNS - It's Justice, Sweetie Darling!

Hold onto your Christian Lacroix hats, kids! Absolutely Fabulous' Patsy Stone got some Nepalese soldiers high on sweet, sweet justice, instead of the usual champers and cocaine.

Patsy's alter ego, actress Joanna Lumley, crusaded to have the government of Great Britain bestow the rights of British citizenship on thousands of Nepalese soldiers, who served in the British army.

She was greeted with a hero's welcome at a mass rally in Kathmandu on Monday. I hope they served her truckloads of the "good stuff" at the after-party. She deserves it!

GEEK OUT - Comic-Con Tid-Bits

The San Diego Comic-Con brought many fun revelations. Among them...
* DC's latest direct-to video 'toon, "Green Lantern: First Flight" premiered at the Con. The DVD & Blu-Ray is in stores tomorrow! Best Buy has an exclusive Green Lantern action figure packaged with the disk. Those of you who always thought that GL villain Sinestro had the gayest outfit on Superfriends (Brainiac notwithstanding) can feel vindicated. First Flight's verision of Sinestro is voice by openly gay actor Victor Garber (Alias and Eli Stone)

* The trailer for Battlestar Galactica: The Plan premiered. This direct-to-video film-- to be released October 27th-- tells the BSG saga from the Cylon's perspective. Apparently, nuking the human race almost to extinction was just a wacky misunderstanding.

* Joss Whedon screened an unaired 13th episode of Dollhouse that takes place 10 years into the future. It was also revealed that Season 2 will feature appearances by Whedon alumni Alexis Denisof (Wesley on Buffy and Angel) and Summer Glau (River Tam on Firefly and Serenity).

* Slash-fiction come to life: Outgoing Doctor Who David Tennant kissed Torchwood's John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness) full on the mouth!

GEEK OUT - LOST - Final Comic Con

LOST is one of the best written shows in the history of television. Each week, we learn things about characters that make them more and more human. Each character has a past, a present on the island, and a future. Even if we never learned anything about the Island, which is a big character in the show, I would be happy with the little joy each human character has given.

With the last season starting in January, some of the cast including Jorge Garcia, Michael Emerson, and Nestor Carbonell, sat down with EW to talk. One of the questions debated is the love triangle between Jack, Sawyer, and Kate. I thought it was perfect to have Jack and Juliette together and Sawyer and Kate as a couple. Then it changed to Sawyer and Juliette and Jack and Kate. Then Juliette died, and I don't feel either of the guys should end up with Kate.

Kate should end up with HURLEY!!! It will be like Jack Spratt and his wife, but in reverse.

Here is the video.

Their Potato Salad Made Me Do A Solid In My Pants!

Meet the ROSS SISTERS! Their act from 1944 is a real show stopper. Aggie, Maggie and Elmira. "Solid Potato Salad" is from the 1944 MGM musical Broadway Rythym and also appears in That's Entertainment! III (1994).

They sound like the Andrews Sisters, but the move like alien creatures. The finale really moves, and as Snagglepuss says, "Exit! Stage Left Even!!!"






After seeing this, I have realized that we will have to make some videos soon of Mike doing some of his hand-walking routines to post here. He can't kiss his own butt like the ladies, but he can really motor!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Crazy Bastard Skates Down Roller Coaster

This week adrenaline junkie-- and stark-raving lunatic-- Dirk Auer skated down a roller coaster at speeds of up to 56 MPH.

That sure is a fancy-schmancy leather racing suit Dirk is sporting. I hope he wore Depends.

EYE GUNK - Best. Wedding Entrance. Ever.

You may have already seen it, but I couldn't resist posting this video. It really kicks it up from "cute" to "brilliant!", around the 2:45 mark. Someday soon we'll all be able to head down the wedding aisle if we want and if I do, I'm shakin' it down!

Happy Friday, everyone!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Cryin' on the Inside

At the Ohio funeral of clown Norman "Boppo" Thompson, black suits and dresses seemed out of place. One was more likely to see greasepaint, polka-dots, floppy shoes... and frightened children.

Sadly, the eulogy got more laughs than all the clowns in attendance have collectively received in their entire careers.

However, it was impressive that 27 clowns managed to fit into the casket.

HOT FLASHES - Rubbers & Morphine

* Jamie Lee Curtis admitted that she had an addiction to morphine following a "cosmetic surgical procedure." She's since kicked the white stuff, a side effect of which was watery, explosive diarrhea. She now has Activia for that.

* "Waiter, there's a jimmy-hat in my soup!" A California man has sued a Claim Jumper restaurant claiming he ordered French onion soup and bit into a condom instead of melted cheese.

* Prix Fuxe Menu: To fight the economic turndown, a German brothel is offering unlimited sex, food and drink for a flat rate. I'm guessing they serve French onion soup there.

* A fitting tribute to Michael Jackson: Plastic surgery popular despite economic woes.

GEEK OUT - GOOGLE for Comic-Con

Google, which is known for having artistic renditions of their logo done for special events, celebrates 2009 Comic Con in San Diego with a JLA version of the LOGO. I'm happy they have Wonder Woman in it. Funny that she is on the invisible jet. I am shocked that they don't have Superman holding the whole thing up, and there is no Flash in the shot.

Still fun and silly. I am guessing we can look forward to a Marvel Version sometime in the next few days.

They are also doing Themes for iGoogle and you can choose you own banner. They have choices from Superman, Women of the DC Universe, including Wonder Woman and Black Canary, Spider-Woman, Iron Man, TMNT, and more.

You can get them here!

HOT TRACKS - MADONNA!!!!!

I can't believe we have had the site up and running for over 2 weeks, and this is the first mention of the icon MADONNA!!!

Well here it is, the cover to her new CD, CELEBRATION. The album's cover was designed by an artist called Mr. Brainwash and is very much a shout out to her POP past.

Via press release: "The songs on Celebration have all been remastered and selected by Madonna and her fans. They cover the expanse of the Material Girl’s extraordinary career of hits including “Everybody,” “Express Yourself,” “Vogue” and “4 Minutes.” “Celebration” will be available in a two-CD set as well as a single CD. There will also be a “Celebration” DVD released simultaneously which includes the video visionary’s best videos including several that have never before been available on DVD."

This is Madonnas 4th Greatest Hits collection after "You Can Dance," "The Immaculate Collection," and "GHV2" There are two new songs on the album. The first is a Paul Oakenfold collaboration that goes to radio on August 3rd called "Celebration". The Hits collection is out September 28 in the U.S.

Matthew Rettenumund at Boy Culture has posted a very low quality rip of the new track.

Source Towleroad

GEEK OUT - Robot Bride vs. Robo-geisha!

At long last, Japan has produced a robot bride! HRP-4C is a female humanoid robot created by Japan’s National Institute of Advanced Industrial Science and Technology. This not-at-all creepy beauty made her runway debut at a fashion show in Osaka yesterday.

No specifics on whether she is a fully functional "pleasure model," for when a "Real Doll" is not enough.

I would love to see a throwdown between the Robot Bride and Robo-geisha! Yes, Robo-geisha is an actual upcoming Japanese movie about a robot geisha... a killer robot geisha! You can see the trailer for yourself below...

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - ALICE IN WONDERLAND

NEW UPDATE

I can't embed the video, but it is up again here!
----------------------------------------------------------

The trailer for Disney and Tim Burton's new ALICE IN WONDERLAND is finally out!

Johnny Depp is still HOT!!! How is it possible that a man who is 46 can still be hot as a crazy person, a dirty pirate, and other countless freaky things. He fights the pretty so hard and it just makes him sexier. The scruffy dirty look makes me want to lick him clean.

The movie looks so surreal and CGI heavy. I can't wait. It's really what WONDERLAND should be. Completely impossible, which was never possible before.

Sexiest Violentest Men in Film

Thumbing through August's issue of GQ today, I came across their list of Sexiest Violent Women in Film. Excluding the omission of A Nightmare on Elm Street's Heather Langenkamp and maaaybe a few others, I can't really complain about it. Though it got me asking myself, "which bad-ass bastards really set my gore-loving heart a flutter?"

Warning: The videos attached and linked below are NSFW and spoilerific.

Elijah Wood, "Sin City" - Yes, Elijah Wood! I love a short man. And a dude doesn't get much more violent than his character Kevin. It's kind of terrifying. And awesome.



Jason Statham, "The Transporter" - A short man with a shaved head? I'm swooning. This guy knows his way around a stick shift and can give a mean roundhouse to the face. I think I'm in love.



Billy Zane, "Dead Calm" - He's crazy as all hell in this movie, but he's half dressed through most of it too. All aboard!



C. Thomas Howell, "Red Dawn" - Yeah, yeah, he's a teenager in this movie. But I was much younger than him when this came out, so I'm not being pervy. This movie had it all, Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen in their prime, lotsa no-good commies, and a gun-toting Jennifer Grey and Lea Thompson. It was on HBO seven times a day growing up, and I didn't miss an airing. I chose C. Tom because this guy goes bezerk and scares the hell out of everyone. I mean, he drinks blood to prove he's cool for chrissake!



Andrew Pleavin, "300" - It's hard to pick just one guy out of the cast of 300, but little cartoon hearts started popping around my head when the short, bald one hit the screen. (Click the link, I can't embed.)

Thomas Jane, "The Punisher" - Punish me! Punish me! (Click the link, I can't embed.)

Matt Damon, "The Talented Mr. Ripley" - Jason Bourne is all sorts of awesome, but Tom Ripley has mad style. And he just wanted to be loved, is that so wrong? I just need to remember, if he's passing out hugs to use a safe word.

The Killer, "Black Christmas" (1974) - You only really get to see his eyeball, but he sure knows how to leave you voicemail that'll keep you warm on a winter night. (Warning: Use headphones! Audio NSFW)



Mark Patton, "A Nightmare on Elm Street 2" - So much has already been written about the "gayest horror movie ever made", so I'll spare you. This time. All I'll say now is, you put "Jesse" and his best friend in a room together and you get magic. Gay, crazy, violent magic.



Popeye the Sailor - Don't you judge me! He's strong to the finnitch!



So what do you think? Comment below and give us your picks for sexiest violent guys or girls!

Donate A Dollar To Charity - Get Punched In The Eardrum

LaToya, the fame hungry train wreck from the superstar family The Jacksons, is back!!! Always looking for attention, LaToya has talked publicly about how terrible her family was and how they aren't supportive. She raped our eyes by posing nude for a pictorial spread. She's robbed our wallets by bringing inane lawsuits to court, therefore using our court system and tax money. This time, she wants to torture your ears. Her new song (which was written and recorded months ago and was meant to be a tribute to letting go of the past and making amends with her family) is now being released. It is now a charity benifit song to her dead brother/sister Michael. All the proceeds are going to a LA-based AIDS charity to which Michael was a regular contributor. After its death, she thought this would be the perfect time for some free publicity and a way to finally have a hit of her own. It is a hit too. Like a really hard hit to the stomach. If you don't dry-heave while listening to it, you're a stronger man than I.

So please, buy LaToya's new song on iTunes next week. Give a dollar to charity, and make your eardrums suffer for it. You can hear the whole song on YouTube here.

There are actually a few really nice lyrics in it, but it's LaToya singing them. She has more production done to her voice than Cher and Britney Spears combined!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Trannies Murder "Midgets" After Drunken Orgy?!

Mexican police are hunting a pair of tranny prostitutes in connection with the murders of two "little people," both of whom are professional wrestlers. The diminutive victims (referred to disrespectfully as "midgets" in the Australian Daily Telegraph) were apparently plied with tainted booze during an orgy with the suspects, both biological males dressed as women. This is evidentally common practice in Mexico. Ummm... that is, criminal prostitutes dosing then robbing their unconscious clients is common; not necessarily the pint-sized wrestler part or the transvestive hooker part. Police will not rest until they get their man... uh, woman... whatever...

HOLLYWOOD HEAT - Bloating Bobby Brown

Today is National Junk Food Day, so we present to you photographic evidence of the hazards overindulgence. Bobby Brown's former bandmates in New Edition may have gone on to become the musical group BBD, but Brown has gone on to become XXL.

Recent photos of the singer/ reality show douche reveal that Whitney Houston's ex-husband has gained an enormous amount of weight since the couple split. Either he's given up smoking crack or he's on the same diet as Brendan Fraser and Aretha Franklin. The "Candy Girl" crooner looks like he ate all the candy and then devoured the girl, pythonlike, bones and all. He has gone from singing about a "tender Roni" to gorging on Beef-A-Roni.

His ex-wife famously stated that crack is a poor person's drug so, evidently, high-fructose corn syrup is the new opiate of the wealthy. But, hey, it's his perogative to stuff his face. Happy National Junk Food Day!

MEDIA BLITZ - The Frog-Pig Murders

Somebody call PETA! Deeming freshly-clubbed baby seal pelts not "edgy" enough, Lady Gaga was interviewed wearing the skins of the innocent babies of TV legends Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy. The tadpoles were made famous in their own right on the reality series "Kermit & Piggy Plus 78."

This tragedy comes on the heels of the mysterious disappearance last year of their first litter of children shortly before the public release of sandwich spread Baconnaise.

HOT FLASHES - Robots vs. Lesbians

* Op-dumbass Prime: A Chinese kid drank gasoline for five years thinking that it would make him powerful as "Transformers" character Optimus Prime. According to his mother it gave him brain damage. It must've been the gasoline because, otherwise, a 14-year old who would drink premium unleaded to be more like a cartoon freakin' robot would have grown up to be the next Nikola Tesla.

* A Florida lesbian couple is celebrating their 70th anniversary. Finally a hot lesbian pairing for the popular "Bust a Nut in Grandma's Butt" adult film franchise! This is an actual XXX video series and it's every bit as tasteful as you would guess from the title. It will make you want want to gouge out your own eyes with grandma's knitting needles and annoint the empty sockets with liniment. (link NSFW) Seriously, though, 70 years is an amazing milestone for any couple, let alone for lesbians who began living together in the 1930s! Congratulations, ladies!

AS THE WORLD BURNS - Gorged of the Jungle

A 151-pound cupcake in Minneapolis has taken the Guinness record as the world's largest. The 1-foot tall, 2-foot wide cupcake on display Saturday at the Minneapolis Mall of America had 15 pounds of fudge filling and 60 pounds of yellow icing.
Ah-ha! At last an explanation for the recent photos of actor Brendan Fraser circulating on the internet! (below right)

GEEK OUT - I'd Play Doctor With Him...

I have a hot-nerd crush on current "Doctor Who" star David Tennant, so I was saddened by the news that he was leaving the show at the end of this year. However, I must say that the first in-costume photo of his replacement, Matt Smith, makes me want to get all up in his TARDIS! Tweed, a bow-tie and combats boots is a very cute look for him.

Tennant appears in three more "Who" specials this year and Smith debuts in next year's 'series.' Why do the Brits insist on calling a TV season a 'series,' anyway? For that matter, why do they call a cigarette a 'fag'? It can lead to a rather unfortunate misunderstanding when a handsome Brit asks an unwitting American guy whether he can 'have a fag.' Unfortunate or delightful.

Annnnyway... also debuting is the new series is new companion Amy Pond, played by Scottish actress Karen Gillan. Screw that slag... I'd be his 'companion'!

Greyheads are trying to kill Geordi La Forge

Now that summer has finally arrived, the Greyheads are out in full force. They like warm weather, we know this because they all move to Florida, and become active during the warmer seasons.

This weekend, a Reading Rainbow hating grandma tried to kill Lt. Commander Geordi La Forge with her car. Not being satisfied with one car however, she made sure it was a 5 car pile up.

Thankfully, a miracle of miracles made the tragedy into a joyous occasion. The shock to the neck in the crash gave Geordi full sight in his eyes, so he no longer needs to wear a banana clip over his face. The Greyhead should still have a boot put on her walker so she can't do this sort of thing again. Click here for the full story!